Day 11

I feel strange writing today, because I've seen so many powerful and touching posts about remembering 9/11.  And, honestly, I cannot piece the words together to add to the collective stories.  My thoughts, my best energy goes out to the families who have been forever-changed by that day.  I wish I could do you justice in words.  But I will have to settle for simple sentiments.  My brain is mushed today. I did write my guest post for The National CMT Resource Center, which made me happy.  I had a good time with it.  I'll post the link as soon as I know it's live.

But it took a lot of brain-power.  The coffee and Pepsi didn't help.  Medicine didn't help.  And I got to sleep early last night.  I don't know.  That vague headache came back and settled behind my eyes.  The world was dull.  Or I was dull.  More likely me :)

My foot bothered me.  A lot.  Which was strange since I've been resting the past day.  Oh well, cause-and-effect seems to be harder to control.  Just another of those days, I guess.

Oh, and I also got the Moody Pumpkin tutorial posted here.  I can see this being a great tool for kids learning to express their feelings.  A few in my class could use it to show the Mad Face.  Because it can be hard to talk when they're overwhelmed with emotions.  So I may try it as a little class project :)

It was an easier project because Asia created the pumpkin and wrote the text and I did the layout with the photos.

I guess it sounds strange that I feel so muddled and yet I keep writing, posting, crafting.  Why don't I just  . . . take a break?

That thought that crossed my mind today.  I hardly slow down when I feel lousy anymore.  I used to pay more attention.  I used to disengage from activities.  And ten years ago I could do that.  Back then, when I felt sick, I could make rest a priority.  Because within a day or two I felt like myself again.

But, with my CMT these days, there may not be a 'better' day.  At least, not for a long time.  I cannot wait for the energy so that I can fold laundry, or take the kids to the park.  I cannot count on feeling better tomorrow.  I might feel worse.  So I push through.  Do the best I can.  And hope.

That tomorrow will be a better day.

Oh, I dreamed of zombies :).  In the past, zombies have symbolized CMT.  In this dream, a zombie caught me and was about to devour me.  Then someone yelled, "You can fight them."  I shoved the zombie off and ran down the hall into another room.  I tried to lock the doors but they wouldn't close.  The wood was warped.  Each noise echoed down the hall and I kept slamming the door, trying with all my might to make it lock.  The zombies were bound to notice the commotion.  If only I was a little stronger . . .

Then I woke up.

So tonight I hope for peaceful dreams :).  No zombies.  And a better day tomorrow.