Today's Fun

A misleading title, because, really, today was not fun.  I was tumble-down tired.  Like crumbly dirt that doesn't have the energy to stick together anymore.  I just wanted to lie down and sleep and watch movies and read books.  Instead, I baked cookies.  Cleaned the fish tank.  Went to the hospital for a blood draw.  Oh, and Ian's gymnastics class which is Mommy and Me so I followed him and lifted him and helped him.  And Valentine card shopping.  And making four fairy kits. And laundry and dishwasher and cooking for the kids.

That's my rest day.

And it was fun.  Or it would be fun, if it didn't feel like I was pushing rocks uphill with a dull headache.  Instead of fun, I felt dragged-at.

I rescheduled my cancelled neurology appointment from December, which reminded me about my wonky blood levels and I needed to get those rechecked.  Might as well be today.  So the schedule had to fit that adventure in with everything else.  And it got me thinking again about how managing a chronic illness (today it was an illness, not a condition) is a full time job in itself.  Figuring out the appointments, communicating between doctors, managing medications, researching alternative ideas, and implementing health-conscious habits.  Phew!  Exhausting just thinking about it.

Why would I say illness instead of condition?  For me, illness is pervasive and affects the day.  Illness wants solutions.  Medication, lifestyle changes, something, anything to change the mucky not-well feeling.  Conditions, which I have also lived with for years, become background noise.  Needing accommodation, modification, different shoes or more sleep, but mostly unchanging.  And once the condition is merged into everyday life, it fades into oh yeah, I am different. But I don't need fixing right now. Much to the surprise of many people, I'm okay with my strange world.  I don't need to hike ten miles to be happy.  My muscle weakness, my reduced sensation in hands and feet, those are my conditions.  I don't know life any different.  I don't really care, honestly.  On days when those are my biggest challenges, I do not feel sick.  I feel healthy.  Those are good days. Not today.  Today, I wanted fixing :)

And then in the 'real world' that is not Mama's Cruddy-Day World, Ian keeps asking for cookies.  Remember these cookie cutters?

Star Wars cookie cutters from Christmas.  He loves them, loves, loves, loves them.  He takes them to bed at night (in a basket).  And for days now he wakes up asking to make cookies.  And for days I distracted and postponed.  He carried them everywhere asking every time we got out of the car or in the car or walked across a room.

Today, Ian, for you . . . we make cookies.

We cut out hearts, too, because it is Valentine's season.  And what goes better with Darth Vader than hearts?

I made a few jam cookies, too, because those are my favorite.  And Anika discovered that she loves jam cookies, too, and she ate them all.

Okay, I gave them to her when she asked nicely.  I'm too tired to enjoy them anyway :)

Off to enjoy Mommy-hour between their bedtime and my sleep.  :)

Gotta love Bobba Fett sprinkled with red sugar crystals :)