Stay at Home Part 11

We don’t talk about how it’s strange to be home all day. Every day. We don’t talk about when we’re going back to school. We don’t wonder about future plans. We’re hunkered down for the long haul.

And then, wham, the reality of the moment hits us and we snap at frustrations. We rant.

This week, the challenge is that many states, and even our county, is opening stores and restaurants. It’s all confusing about what is curbside or reduced service or what it all means. Does it mean anything? Photos are all over social media with bars and venues packed with people. The common sentiment seems to be, “Whelp, can’t stay locked up forever. Let’s go!”

And I watch with a mix of anxiety and concern and overwhelm. If everyone is collectively done with trying to contain or control the spread, what does that mean for my family?

While the bills keep arriving. One fallout of this whole collective shrug is that there isn’t any accountability or pressure for more support. No suspension of utility bills or relief payments. The one CARE package is supposed to get us through the pandemic. And the illusion of “you can work,” means that there isn’t any responsibility to help anymore.

While there’s also a message of “vulnerable people continue to shelter.” But how!?! I mean, I work part-time to cover expenses. I can’t work full time due to disability challenges. But without the ability to work at all, how am I supposed to stay indoors indefinitely? I try to pivot to online work, while everyone else is likewise trying to find online employment.

Okay, this is massively depressing. This morning I tried to follow advice to apply to teach online. And it was a lot of time investment looking for different actual openings that didn’t lead to dead ends or unreasonable expectations. It’s a lot a lot.

And, yes, I can still take photos. Except the more I go out, the more chances that I need to fill the gas tank or slip up on social distancing. I really do chat with people a lot, which is difficult with masks. I mean, I may not have a choice soon.

I keep hoping that summer will give us a bit of a break. We’re all coming together with different rationalizations for how we interact with activities. I hear some people saying, “Well, I interact with people at the grocery store so I can interact at a bar, what’s the difference?” And maybe they’re right. The nature of this mysterious time is that no one knows how it will develop over time. So maybe it will be less dramatic than it all sounds. I don’t know. But then I would feel terrible if I put anyone in our family at risk because I was just done with mitigation efforts.

So as stress becomes more and more stressful, I force myself to pick up the camera. It’s not easy.

Nothing about these times is easy. And maybe that’s part of the journey with all the ups and downs and adjustments and frustrations. Maybe we simply keep doing our best while caring for others and our families. And maybe we keep leaning into creativity. I mean, this dystopian time is defined by pajamas and distance-learning more than wastelands and leather jackets. Maybe we can reinvent days in a similar way. Make them cozier, less conflict. More creativity.

And if it’s hard and heavy, that’s okay too. We’re living through a pandemic after all.

Wishing everyone a safe and creative day.