Day 5

Phew.  So much for my 10pm Technoloy Curfew.  Today was a big day.  Two podcasts.  A guest giveaway for the fairy witch here.  A winner of the bunny gnome (congrats @thiscosylife!).  Lots going on. And through it all, the CMT ocean.

You know when you've been swimming awhile in a nice lake?  And then you return to shore for snacks or drinks?  And you swim in until your feet touch the sandy ground.  Then you shift and wobble a bit as gravity switches from the lovely buoyant water to the sudden heavy land?  And then sometimes you have sharp rocks underfoot and you fall right over because your balance is unsettled from water to land?

That's my every morning.  Getting myself adjusted to gravity.

Then, there are mornings like this morning.  When sleep isn't a lake, but an ocean.  With undercurrents and waves.  With sinking-sand and seaweed that wrap around my ankles.  And each step towards shore takes a serious effort.  And I just want to drift back to the floating, sleepy nowhere so I can feel better the next time that I wake up.  Except sleep isn't the answer, because the tide never recedes.  The waves catch me all day dragging at every step.  Every thought and activity.  My body begs, fix me, fix me, fix me.  And I want to help, I really do, but I don't know how.  I let myself have extra medicine today.  Because when the ocean churns around my ankles, I become unpleasant.

That's a tough thing through the fatigue.  I get irritated.  Easily irritated.  I take deep breaths with the kids.  Try to stay focused.  But it's a huge challenge.

I did this to myself (sort of).  Yesterday Anika's friend wanted to go to the Sac-Anime convention and it was a fun adventure.  She and Anika love all things Pokemon and Sailor Moon.  We wandered around the hotel and marvelled at the incredibly creative costumes.  It wasn't that much walking, but enough.

Then we were hungry and they had never seen Ikea.  For those who know Ikea, I don't need to say another word :).  For those who don't- it's about the size of a big city block.  Usually, I only go to the places I need things.  But they hadn't seen it before.  So we wandered.

And it shouldn't hit me this hard.  Really.  It was only an hour or two.  But I was already dragging even before the adventures.  I could not get myself to wake up completely yesterday, either.  A java-chip frappuchino finally did the trick in the afternoon.

I knew I was in trouble before the adventures even began.  But do I say no to opportunities?  Do I keep us home?  That wouldn't make me (or them) happy either.

No easy answers.

Except to try and honor my curfew :)