Late and I need to rest. I teach tomorrow. I was going to write one sentence about being tired. Goodnight. But I've been thinking about something a lot. Our Tricks posts showed me how many clever things we do to compensate for our challenges. Tonight showed me how even tricks cannot fix everything.
We had a school picnic in the evening. I have gone other years. Tired, yes, but determined to let my kids play with their friends. And I want to connect with other families. A fun, social evening.
This year, I told myself a firm no last night. No, no, no. Not with this ankle. Not with the fatigue. And the risks. No.
And I held my intention. Even as my daughter's face struggled to hide her disappointment, and Ian said he remembered and wanted to go play. I still said no. "Can I go if a friend will take me?" Anika asked.
And her gift is social ease, so she found a friend. And Ian and I stayed home. And it was all fine. Sort of. I still felt guilty that I couldn't participate. Frustrated that I missed a fun evening.
On the plus side, though, I figured out that I can drive! I use my AFO and use my toes so that the pressure isn't on my ankle. That was fun, getting to drive across town. What freedom!
A little forward, a lot of resting.
This isn't the first time that I have passed up on social events in order to avoid fatigue the next day. And it's especially hard when my kids miss out because Mom needs downtime. It's a constant challenge with CMT. And it's hard to navigate. Either I take on the activity and pay with symptoms, or they miss out.
We work together. And I plan a lot. So I can be okay for the big things- birthday parties, etc. But I still find myself caught between places. A lot.
Okay, enough for tonight. I promised myself an earlier bedtime :)
Wishing you a joyful Friday!