Lenkaland

I found your dream home. If your dream home is potentially haunted next to the gas station. This treasure is for sale. Honest.

I actually connect with this sad house. Once, the wood was strong and straight. And it wasn’t ruined by disaster, or a big dramatic moment. No, this house was worn down. One storm after another. Small moments. Falling together. Falling apart.

I marvel how the wood changes and bends and softens. And while this house is sad, I also see strength. Against the odds, against that softening wood, it stands. It refuses to fall.

I wonder who will buy this house.

I wonder how long it takes, for the little damages to add up and become catastrophic. How long can I stay strong? Pain is meant to go away. We want to heal. And we carry through. I carry through. For a few days, a week. But when does it chip away at our every positive thought? How long can you hurt? Before you must return to everyday life with chores and expectations? How long can you be graceful? A week? Two?

Mine is six weeks. Six weeks and I hit a wall. Big wall. A wall that taunts me. I have gone to the orthopedic specialist about my hip which is either sore or shooting pain down my leg. I feel like a pin has wedged between the bones. I am either numb, exhausted, or pushing through the pain.

I could sink like a stone. The nature of this neuropathy encourages sinking, because there is a little voice that says, this is just the beginning and it only gets worse from here.

Then I breathe.


I notice the rose blooming in our front yard.


And I giggle with my boy.


And smile with my sweet girl.

And remember that change is constant. I had an hour today where medicine gave me relief (this doesn’t always happen). And it was enough for me to gather myself together again. We will figure this out. Summer is around the corner. I have a few more crazy weeks. These days feel manic. But I also keep myself centered in the here and now. Sunshine and roses.

Blossoms and laughter. Tight hugs and sweet moments. Moments that matter beyond pain.

I won’t give up on my haunted house

I find beauty.

Over that wall

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The longer I stay away, the harder it gets to post. I fall so behind! I didn’t get to write about this.


Or this


Or this


Or this


Or even this


The story skipped Easter, our overnight trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, her Pioneer School days, and her birthday!

Oh my, this mama gets overwhelmed! I am also working on two big writing projects that I hope to share soon. And we are rehearsing for Peter Pan in class. And my calendar is filling with doctor appointments.

I have constant pain again. This time in my hip. So we are in investigaton-phase. Hopefully it’s easily fixed . That is always the hope, right?

When I stop to reflect these days, I get wildly anxious. I know I do too much. I don’t know how to slow down. I feel like this frenzy will lead to better space. But in the meantime, I don’t know how to patch myself together until I reach those calmer waters. With my husband still searching for work, I am the primary breadwinner in the family. That feels plain wrong, since I am on disability. But it’s true. So all of my choices carry big consequences.

If downtime felt indulgent before, it’s guilt-ridden now. Any quiet is crowded with chores, creative projects, and helping my daughter with her reading. I have no space for healing. For recharging. It’s a crash-and-burn pace. I know it. And I don’t know how to change it.

Only a month before summer, hurrah! Summer is usually a great time for me. Turning off wake-up alarms is healthy

Meanwhile, May will be insane. No off-days. Tomorrow is full with my side-projects.

In June I get to breathe easier. Until then, I will try not to drop our story again. Short and sweet is better than silent

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The annual Easter Egg decorating this year!

Ian realized that wrapping them in a napkin gave them cool texture and colors

Ian called the pink RED and really stuck with a theme for his eggs this year . Anika’s eggs got the other colors.

Of course we needed the traditional zombie egg!  Every year one cracks when boiling and makes a perfect nasty zombie egg

Wishing you a very happy holiday!  This Easter Bunny has got to scamper off and get busy filling baskets

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Exciting times during spring break around here

Cat naps

Building train tracks

Laughing at Mama

Still the cat naps

Waking up?

Maybe . . .

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Sunday we went to the big Mardi Gras Parade in Nevada City.  We lucked out with parking.  We met with family to cheer for horse carriages, old cars, and lots and lots of beads.

We were woefully unprepared with costumes (oops) but my family had great masks to share.

Ian wasn’t sure about the big crowds and loud noises.  He needed reassurance from sister.  This is fun, right?

Nevada City hosts the best small-town parades!  Behind the old fire truck is the Nevada Theater, one of the oldest theaters in the west.  I think Mark Twain once performed there.  Like me .  I was a townsfolk in Romeo and Juliet my senior year of high school.  Lots of history

Like I said, my family brought great masks.  Next year I’ll know better

Anika caught lots of beads.  She gave all of the red/orange beads to Ian.  Because that’s the kind of sister she is

Ian’s favorite colors are orange and red.  He was thrilled with his collection.

Grabbing for the camera, again

The scene street-side.  I’m not sure who she is, but I loved the sun on her hands.  She caught plenty

Lots of motorbikes.  Masked bikers.  These two made their statement with Anonymous masks.

Mila watched the parade from her dad’s shoulders for awhile.  The sun and breeze caught her perfectly.  

The parade had plenty of drama.  Fire from a hot air balloon basket.  Not sure what their group was called.  Not sure it matters.  Fire is cool

And many protest floats, like this one from the local Occupy group.  Speaking for the 99%.

Nevada City was packed!  The weather was gorgeous!  Couldn’t ask for a better parade.

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Yesterday we spent hours at Petco for the Rabbit Rally. Anika is part of the local 4H group, and they all brought rabbits to share with the public. Anika took her role as rabbit-mentor very seriously.

Pumpkin was very patient with all of the attention.

My mom also returned from her three week trip to Hawaii, so we slipped away from the Rabbit Rally for a little treat. And Ian decided that was a cosy place to nap

.

Still, he looks rather peaceful close-up.

Mom had great adventures in Hawaii. It got me thinking about climate and my recent medication headaches and how I would feel so much better without the cold winters. Part of me wanted to run away, but I couldn’t work in any traditional jobs and my disability benefits are not very high. I even looked into housing subsidized for people with disabilities, but the screenshots didn’t look like pleasant parts of town. Besides, I love my extended family way too much to run off to an island. Still, how much is good health worth?

An interesting idea

The rest of our week was fairly quiet since Ian got sick with a cough and fever. I spent two whole days on the couch binging on Xbox games with him. Poor baby. He’s back to wild, loud, busy child now.

Spring arrived this week. Very strange since I call this the Winter that Wasn’t. Only a few storms and snowflakes.

The blossoms don’t care. They feel the warmth and they bloom. So I leave you with sunshine and color. That hopefully lasts through the week.

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Ian decided to play for the camera. Getting close was a great game. I love how the frame cannot contain him.

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The weather was lovely this weekend. A glimpse of spring. Anika invited a friend to play and we set up for a tea party!

The goodies did not last long.  By the time I returned with the camera, the scones and mini-cookies were already gone.  Most of the cheese, crackers, and turkey sandwiches had disappeared, too.

The plates were drawn by Ian and Anika over the years. I made the flame blanket/tablecloth before Ian was born.  Perfect tea party decoration

The kids poured their own tea, which was a lesson in itself about letting the leaves steep. And be careful of hot pots.

Enjoying the good stuff.  Sugar is in the little bowl next to her plate.  We made the little bowls in ceramics class a couple of years ago.  We found the tiny spoons this morning in a kitchen supply store.  There’s a magic in adding your own sugar to your own tea.

Very Alice in Wonderland

We hung the canopy from the summer awning and the ribbons caught in the breeze.  We learned about flexibility because the first plan was to eat in the canopy.  But they couldn’t all fit.  So they ate beside it instead.  And read books on a blanket in the fairy house.

A happy day.  Love the faces covered with crumbs.

Anika beaded this heart when she was a student in my class.  Love and beauty and magical rainbows.

Shining your way.  Hope you have a reason or two to host a tea party

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Sunday the sun shone bright and warm so we packed up the bikes.  I thought the kids were crazy when they asked to take off their socks and shoes.  Then I figured, if they get cold, they would put the shoes back on.  The sun was lovely-warm, so the shoes stayed off.  They rode bikes on the cushy recycled surface around the play strutctures before too many kids arrived.  Ian gave me his usual charming pose these days.

Peek-a-boo . . . anyone still taking pictures?

We haven’t used the bikes in awhile.  I couldn’t lift them into the car for most of the summer.  And their dad hasn’t been going on outings.  So Anika was pleased as peaches to get on her bike.  She’s grown!

She loved the wind in her hair and building up speed.  Not too fast, though, she’s cautious.  Especially with socks on her feet (I guess it was a little cold).

And we did have a helmet for her (Ian’s is too big, must go back to the store for a better fit).  She wore the helmet outside the soft playground.

Happy girl with her streamers and basket.  Brings back fond memories of my own childhood.  Except we lived down a dirt road where bikes were very impractical, but still . . . who doesn’t love a basket and streamers?  She played mail-delivery and brought me little leaves and found treasures.

I sat in the lush sunshine and noticed the trees budding for spring.  Spring? We’ve barely begun winter.  Back to sleep, tree.  Hear me?

Part of what I love about photography is when it catches little moments that would be lost otherwise.  Two kids on bikes, from the back, with Ian hunched over his handlbars, not trusting the pedals yet (he can go faster running, he says), and Anika slowing down for him to catch up.  Those training wheels will come off soon and he’ll graduate to a big-boy bike.  I am so grateful that I get to watch them grow.  Watch them shine.

Even on days when he won’t smile for me anymore

*you may not notice, but many of our outings involve activities for them where I can sit and supervise.  Most of these photos were taken when I was sitting down.  The playground photos, I was sitting on the ground, which actually gave me a fun perspective of looking up at Anika or eye-level with Ian.  In our other location, I did take a few as I walked, then I sat on the picnic table (behind Anika above) and took pictures from there.  We all win- they get to play, I get to rest (sort of ).  Enjoying life with challenges is all about accommodations.  Most of my accommodations are so intuitive for me, I hardly notice anymore.  I’ll try to share, though, in case others are looking for inspiration or ideas.  I hope you had a lovely weekend!

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This past weekend, my family convinced me that my kids would love ice skating.  I didn’t need very much convincing.  I just knew I could not, would not, put on a pair of skates, so who would help them learn?

Well, Skatetown in Roseville has a brilliant solution.  We came inside from the sunny California day to a frozen playland. We had to wait for the zamboni to polish up the ice for us.

I stayed on the sidelines and tried to take decent photos through the reflective and scratched up glass while my brother and sister-in-law taught my kiddos the basics of skating.  The rink has a brilliant solution for young (and any beginner) skaters.  These buckets are perfect!  They are allowed on about a quarter of the rink, and the capable skaters enjoy the rest of the ice bucket-free.

Ian was perfectly happy to scoot around with his pile of buckets.

Anika leaned heavy on hers for awhile, then gained confidence.  She did fall a few times, she told me, but she didn’t care.

Ian tired of the skating before the others. “Games, games,” he insisted.  And it wasn’t so cold, but it was cold enough that I was happy to escort him to the arcade.  I didn’t think anyone could wobble anywhere on these narrow strips of metal, but no one seemed to mind.  Kids were running and reaching and acting like they wore everyday shoes.

Everyday shoes don’t looks half so fancy or fun, though.

I was glad to skip the whole balancing, fast-moving, slick-ice part of the day.  But it sure looked fun!  And the kids had a blast.  Anika has already scheduled her next skating trip.  Next time I’ll get her spinning

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