I feel strange writing today, because I’ve seen so many powerful and touching posts about remembering 9/11. And, honestly, I cannot piece the words together to add to the collective stories. My thoughts, my best energy goes out to the families who have been forever-changed by that day. I wish I could do you justice in words. But I will have to settle for simple sentiments. My brain is mushed today.
I did write my guest post for The National CMT Resource Center, which made me happy. I had a good time with it. I’ll post the link as soon as I know it’s live.
But it took a lot of brain-power. The coffee and Pepsi didn’t help. Medicine didn’t help. And I got to sleep early last night. I don’t know. That vague headache came back and settled behind my eyes. The world was dull. Or I was dull. More likely me 
My foot bothered me. A lot. Which was strange since I’ve been resting the past day. Oh well, cause-and-effect seems to be harder to control. Just another of those days, I guess.
Oh, and I also got the Moody Pumpkin tutorial posted here. I can see this being a great tool for kids learning to express their feelings. A few in my class could use it to show the Mad Face. Because it can be hard to talk when they’re overwhelmed with emotions. So I may try it as a little class project
It was an easier project because Asia created the pumpkin and wrote the text and I did the layout with the photos.
I guess it sounds strange that I feel so muddled and yet I keep writing, posting, crafting. Why don’t I just . . . take a break?
That thought that crossed my mind today. I hardly slow down when I feel lousy anymore. I used to pay more attention. I used to disengage from activities. And ten years ago I could do that. Back then, when I felt sick, I could make rest a priority. Because within a day or two I felt like myself again.
But, with my CMT these days, there may not be a ‘better’ day. At least, not for a long time. I cannot wait for the energy so that I can fold laundry, or take the kids to the park. I cannot count on feeling better tomorrow. I might feel worse. So I push through. Do the best I can. And hope.
That tomorrow will be a better day.
Oh, I dreamed of zombies . In the past, zombies have symbolized CMT. In this dream, a zombie caught me and was about to devour me. Then someone yelled, “You can fight them.” I shoved the zombie off and ran down the hall into another room. I tried to lock the doors but they wouldn’t close. The wood was warped. Each noise echoed down the hall and I kept slamming the door, trying with all my might to make it lock. The zombies were bound to notice the commotion. If only I was a little stronger . . .
Then I woke up.
So tonight I hope for peaceful dreams . No zombies. And a better day tomorrow.
