I get lost. I get lost in ideas. I get lost in time. I get lost in my own mind. I hear "follow your heart." Yet my heart changes. One moment I am light, airy, all gentle moments and calm waters. Then I am churning. Bright, vivid, the crash and tumble of rapids around boulders. I am everything in-between.
So I got to thinking about my True North. What draws me in the darkest hour? Where does my inner compass lead? What do I hold above the noise and distractions?
The answer is easy. And complicated. I hold my family. My little ones with their arms so right around me. Their laughter. My husband and the world we build together. My parents and brothers, my cousins, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews. Connections. Shared stories. They inspire me endlessly.
Not much complicated about that. Except then pesky things like bills and broken cars interfere with my plans. I spend evenings working. I get pulled away from my True North. Then chronic health issues flare and I'm sidelined even more...
It's the cosmic balancing act. What I want vs. what I need. I keep trying to create common ground. Blend my creativity with income, help the family finances. This is when I trigger deeper mess. If I didn't have my health challenges, if I didn't manage daily fatigue and frustrations, I could work full time (at whatever I chose). I look at my opportunities. And I have to consider how they will impact my health. And that might not seem like a big obstacle, but for me it's heartbreaking. I am an overacheiver. I want to be epic. I want to follow through on these plans and ideas. I don't want a common cold to drag me down for three solid weeks (which happened this January). I don't want to consider the fallout of accepting a job that is beyond my limits. I want to follow my heart.
And my heart doesn't consider my limits.
Oh well, back to my True North :)
My True North lives moment to moment. My True North believes that things will fall together (as much as they fall apart). My True North is patient. Sees the long game. My True North is quiet. Creating stories and photographs that will mean everything to my kids. My True North believes in miracles. My True North is understanding. Compassionate. Gentle. My True North knows me. And wants me to succeed in every possible way. My True North knows balance. My True North is healthy. Strong. Curious. My True North is the first light of morning. And the last goodnight wish. And everything in-between.
Carry on :)