I am usually a holiday girl. I bought a tree with my allowance when I was a kid to keep in my room. Five years ago, I hung two strings of lights along the gutters all by myself. Climbing that ladder twenty times was no small feat. I even love wrapping presents. I used to wrap them for my entire family. I decorated and baked and crafted and bought Christmas music. This year is different. This year, I dug in my heels even against Thanksgiving. This year, the holidays don't sound sparkly and fun. They sound like work.
It's the same thing that happened to traveling earlier. I'm sure it's not just me. I mean, the rest of the year is challenging enough. We're managing our families, finances, symptoms, lives. And now, just when that was overwhelming enough, have more! Gifts, decorations, events. Evening activities. Traveling. Lots and lots of expectations.
And I see, all over again, how it's easier to say 'yes' and deal the with consequences, instead of saying 'no' and explaining why. Especially with invisible challenges, it's so hard to set healthy limits. Especially when the limits change day to day.
So my goal this week is to get another podcast recorded. I miss our community. I'm trying to revive my frozen holiday spirit. I love this time of year. This apathy isn't me at all.
I am searching for solutions. I have a few ideas. I am closing orders of custom fairies on December 3. Hard to say no, but I want my family time, too. I will also not craft a thousand gifts. This one is hard for me. But I was good- I bought a few things on Etsy that I could have made myself. Little steps :). And ... I don't know yet. I'm trying to think of more.
I'll let you know as I discover them. I need to take care of myself, too. Oh, I'm trying to buy local and crafty (etsy) so I won't be walking through big stores.
Small choices that will hopefully add up to magic :)
I miss the magic :)
After all, how could I possibly disappoint her? She's all excited for her Nutcracker show this week. Photos of that adventure tomorrow.