This blogging-podcasting is teaching me along the way. I am learning. I am an ocean. I have high and low tides. They are related to CMT flare ups for sure, but they are bigger than afternoon fatigue or a day of pain. They are the world. At low tide, I am pure energy. The sand is strewn with shells that hold many secrets. The beach stretches endless from one horizon to the other. The sand is warm underfoot and the sky is blue above. I welcome projects, email, ideas, friends, and plans with joy. I have plenty of space to play. I create castles in the sand.
Then the tide rises and I crowd against the sea-cliffs. The water froths and churns. The waves pummel the shore. I hunker against the cliff on a jutting rock and the clouds muffle the sky and I may even feel snowflakes tumbling onto my skin. All I can do is hold on. And wonder why I made plans at all, why I instigated ideas, why I ever thought I could be the person I created at low tide. I am overwhelmed. I am quiet. I watch the waves cover all that I built last week. I wait.
For the tides to turn again.
I've been high tide last week. The busy end to the school year tapped out any reserve energy. It's been hard to be creative, or even open email some days. I'm just tired. I'll be back (as can be said with a fun accent :)). I have ideas. I just need time.
And this story here, this community, is about honesty and acceptance. The real of being me. Dangerous surf and all.
A fun week last week, though. My cousin/niece (technically my cousin but age-wise I feel like her aunt) visited and entertained the kids with fantastic fun games. We make projects every year. This year- owls. Here is her owl. I'll dedicate a post soon to the owl-crafting fun. But for now, honestly, I'm tired :). Maybe some rest with calm the ocean :)