Energy is in short supply. We're on weeks now of snow or rain or general clouds, and I learned I am a sun-girl. The sun powers me up. Or maybe it's getting the kids outside that powers me up :). Regardless, this day-after-day tired got me thinking about my energy levels again. I am weak. Physically. This is a fact. All measurements show me off the charts in a bad way, under the bottom lines for my age. So everyday tasks require greater effort, a push against strong waves that should only be mild currents. That wears me out, I know. But more than that is the tidal shifts in my energy levels, the ebbs and swells that fall and rise over an hour, a day, or over weeks. I'm in a weeks-long slump right now. Each morning I wake up tired. I slog through most of the day with occasional bursts of energy. I'm trying to figure out what influences these mercurial tides, but, beyond the weather, it's hard to chart.
It's hard to feel so out of control. I try. I rest. I read. I watch movies. I'm even moderating mental/creative energy in the hopes that might relieve the physical exhaustion. I force myself (and, yes, it needs enforcing) to watch tv or read without multi-tasking. I don't know. Ian is little, but he's getting better. And March has a lot of work-stuff like report cards. I have plenty of reasons when I look back over my activities.
But, still . . . just tired. And a big challenge is that I can't make real plans when I feel like this. I don't want play-dates for my kids. I don't want to meet anyone for coffee. I don't want to record podcasts or connect with communities. Because I never know how I'm going to feel from one hour to the next. I may make plans while I'm feeling good that feel absurd within hours or minutes. So I hunker down and wait for the sun :).
And yet the ideas buzz inside my head. I have photos to post, emails to answer, podcasts to record, stories to write, a novel to edit, 18 leprechauns to prep, a leprechaun book to write for the kids tomorrow, a post titled Does my Child have a Learning Disability?, a reflection to write about teaching this year to share with my school's Governance Council on Friday, and a house to clean and children to care for and . . .
ok, tired is okay :). Sort of. Where is that sun?