I know why facing the monster is harder than looking over the monster's shoulder while saying, "Um, I'll deal with you . . . later." Monsters are easier to ignore than tame.
Ugh. Especially this monster. So the nurse said I should feel fine yesterday. I should be back to my normal self. Hurrah!
No hurrah. Ouch. And I went back to the radiology departement, and they first suggested that I talk to my primary care doctor, but what would she know about the after-effects of Wednesday's treatment?
"Oh, who referred you here, then?"
A specialist that I met twice, that may or may not know if my pain is normal or alarming. That was my main question. Should I be alarmed?
They were very nice, though, and a radiologist invited me back to talk. I saw the CT scans, both creepy and fascinating, with images of my insides so neatly illuminated. He wasn't sure. After all, this situation is very rare. They don't have comparisons, or predictions . . .
But I'm not showing signs of infection. No fever, no swelling, no chills, so I'm probably fine. Just bruised up. Still, they thought that I should talk to my specialist-doctor for a referral for another CT scan, to see if there is internal bleeding because the radiologist can't order that- conflict of interest to order his own services.
I drive to that office to find that the specialist-doctor is out for the weekend. He most likely will not get the message until Monday, but there is someone on call. Maybe I could go to the emergency room?
No, I'm not devastated by pain. I just . . . didn't expect these rough waters. Should be concerned, or should I ride this out?
No one knows for sure. So I take more medication for the pain (they did offer me medication, but I'm using what I already have for arthritis). And hope to feel better in the morning.
Amazing how all of these doctors are helping, and yet I feel very alone on the journey. Especially when it comes to specialists. The story gets handed from one person to another and I worry about what gets dropped along the way. They know the monsters from books and charts.
But I live with the monsters. I have to understand them. And this monster is not kind.
It doesn't help if a monster is rare. If it's my monster, it's not rare anymore. It's here and now.
No pathology report yet, so we don't know the next step. For now, sleep. Good monster medicine :)