Days since injury: 2 weeks, 6 daysPrognosis: still unknown
The world doesn't wait forever. And here I am, in the business of living. With this cast. With efforts to keep it elevated. With a growing lists of Things to Do. And a few stories already. Yesterday we woke early to bring Pumpkin the bunny to the fair for the bunny show. He is our beloved family pet and we know he wins Best Bunny Award no matter what. When we adopted Pumpkin, wew joined the local 4H, which is a community group that supports youth activities. Anika and Ian shared their 4H team spirit with matching shirts.
Pumpkin joined the other mini-Rex bunnies for judging. It works like a dog or cat show, with the judge comparing rabbits against breed standards.
Pumpkin was faulted for little white hairs sprinkled through his lush fur. He placed fourth. And we know he is the Best Bunny in the World, but Anika was a disappointed. She hoped for another big splashy ribbon like she won last year for showmanship. She didn't enter showmanship this year, though, too overwhelmed by moving into a stricter age-group. We all learn about disappointment on different paths. And we keep reminding her that Pumpkin isn't about ribbons. We don't measure his worth that way. But I still saw the surprise. Hurt. Bewilderment. This was not the plan.
And I got to wear her shoes later that afternoon. It was a big test, going out at all. And the fairgrounds are not easy for wheelchairs. The bunny barn is down a slight slope, all dirt with random rocks that jar and bump the wheelchair as I roll. I needed help to move anywhere, the ground was so uneven. The world sure changes when you get around differently.
My day didn't end there, though. I finally, finally had my MRI in the late afternoon. And I foolishly thought I understood an MRI. I thought it was a fancy photo-tube that worked a lot like an x-ray. I heard about claustrophobia but it didn't sink in until they had me lying down and she said, "You'll be like this for about 25 minutes and it's going to make loud noises. You okay?"
"I guess," I said in a small voice.
Oh, and even before then, we had worked with my mom to watch the kids and I thought it would last about an hour at most. But the check-in slip had three times adding up to 90 minutes. So long?
I thought the machine could move and take all the images at once. I had no idea an MRI was so intense. I wasn't all of the way into the machine, but I was shocked how close the metal curved over me- a too-low bunk bed. And I got panicky that I would move midway though and mess up the results. By the time my knee finished, I had completely change my mind about MRIs. This was no routine test. This was a big, stressful deal. And I had two more!
Luckily she figured out that she could get the foot images bundled together. And I was farther out of the tube for those images. More space. I realized if I ever need an MRI for my hip or anything else, I would need medication to keep me for clawing out of there.
I learned something new about myself. I can handle a lot of medical stress. But that, no. No way.
I was glad to put that behind me. And my ankle hurt and my knee hurt and my head hurt from the thrumming. I asked, of course, if she could see anything on the images. "Lots of swelling," she said. "Lots."
Sheesh. Back home and putting my foot up. Taking medicine to try and smooth my ragged edges. We got a CD for the specialist and we stared at the images, trying to pull meaning out of the splotches or white streaks. Of course we can't. More wondering. More waiting.
This morning I rested before we went to school to meet with my co-teacher. The classroom looks like this:
This challenge, though, this challenge I know. We made lists and sorted papers and made plans. The next two weeks will be chaotic, but I know that chaos.
That is comfortable chaos. I face this next week with apprehension, but also optimism. I love the fair. I love the bright energy of kindergarteners in school for the first time. This is the sparkle of living. I even found bling to celebrate.
A party even with injuries, even with challenges :). Because we will be surprised, and disappointed, and shocked at outcomes we cannot control. But we will also be comforted, and inspired, and delighted by simple moments. This moment.
Time to join them. Peaceful dreams. And I hope tomorrow brings all of us pleasant surprises. You too :)